Struggle of being an introvert

I am always the silent one, whether i am in a group of friends or family. They would say, “hey, say something” or “hey, why are you always so silent” and all i could do is go blank. It’s not i don’t like having conversations but maybe i don’t know how to have conversations. I get nervous easily, lack in confidence and what not. I have been trying to find out why I behave like this, like why I am clueless all the damn time. Well, i am clueless about that too. (lol!!) it was never okay to be shy kid and now that i am grown up, it gives me anxiety everytime i go out and meet people. Its not like i am not trying to be social, which i try every time i set my foot outside my house. Adulting as an introvert is really tough. You have to go out and talk for yourself, meet new people and introduce yourself. Life is tough, real tough! I always want to be alone but also want to get included(i hope that make sense). 

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