People say “happiness is the thing which cost nothing, share it with everyone”. Yet, it is the most valuable thing anyone can ever own. All I want in my life is to be happy. I know happiness is different for everyone. For some it’s all money, and for some it’s seeing other smile and it can be anything for anyone. But for me it’s all being not suffering from my anxiety and depression. I hate it when I think about my needs of anti-depressants to be happy in life. Why some of us need the help of a medication to be just happy. It’s it free of cost? “Please let me be happy”, I repeatedly pray Allah. No, I am not much of a religious person but all I can share anything is with Allah and we do have a lot of conversation. What worse have I done to be in this situation. Then I remember, I am not alone in this. But that doesn’t make me happy, that makes me angry, my head hurts, I feel like killing myself, I want to do things to myself the things I can never say out loud. I don’t wanna share either because maybe everyone might say “we are there for you”, “don’t think so much” and so many things, they want us to share things but deep down, even we know they will never understand how we are feeling because even some of us don’t know the reason of being so depressed and that is the most depressing thing ever. Even I want to know why I feel like this, I wish I could tell myself. I ask myself the same question, “what is so wrong with you?” Even I can’t answer to my own, how would I answer yours. For me, sometimes I feel, I am desperate to be in love or to be loved. I just want to be loved without any conditions, but humans do have conditions in everything. It’s okay to have conditions. Everything comes with terms and conditions, anyway. Look, even I am asking to be loved by someone without any conditions and that is also a condition. Silly me. My dealing with depression is I loved writing from my childhood, writing is like I am talking to someone who would understand me and will never leave me and will listen to me unconditionally, no matter how stupid and nonsense I sound.
I don’t want to make anyone feel depressed or sad or fill up with any negative emotions. I just want to tell you if someone is dealing with depression, don’t ask them anything, just be there for them in any situation, listen to them no matter how stupid and nonsense they sound or might even find it boring. Don’t help them in dealing with it, they can deal with it, have been doing it with or without you. And I also want to tell to the people who are dealing with anxiety or any kind of mental illness, you should be proud of yourself, like me. We are so strong that we can deal with anything like that which cannot be seen but can only be felt. And we all know, feeling is the thing, most of us don’t wanna have. Because you can’t show it or make anyone understand. So, everyone dealing it or not, have patience and just go your loved ones and hug them tight and tell them how much you love them. Sometimes you got to show to tell things to someone. Till then, this is Jenna here. signing off.