Dealing life with anxiety.

People say “happiness is the thing which cost nothing, share it with everyone”. Yet, it is the most valuable thing anyone can ever own. All I want in my life is to be happy. I know happiness is different for everyone. For some it’s all money, and for some it’s seeing other smile and it can be anything for anyone. But for me it’s all being not suffering from my anxiety and depression. I hate it when I think about my needs of anti-depressants to be happy in life. Why some of us need the help of a medication to be just happy. It’s it free of cost? “Please let me be happy”, I repeatedly pray Allah. No, I am not much of a religious person but all I can share anything is with Allah and we do have a lot of conversation.  What worse have I done to be in this situation. Then I remember, I am not alone in this. But that doesn’t make me happy, that makes me angry, my head hurts, I feel like killing myself, I want to do things to myself the things I can never say out loud. I don’t wanna share either because maybe everyone might say “we are there for you”, “don’t think so much” and so many things, they want us to share things but deep down, even we know they will never understand how we are feeling because even some of us don’t know the reason of being so depressed and that is the most depressing thing ever. Even I want to know why I feel like this, I wish I could tell myself. I ask myself the same question, “what is so wrong with you?” Even I can’t answer to my own, how would I answer yours. For me, sometimes I feel, I am desperate to be in love or to be loved. I just want to be loved without any conditions, but humans do have conditions in everything. It’s okay to have conditions. Everything comes with terms and conditions, anyway. Look, even I am asking to be loved by someone without any conditions and that is also a condition. Silly me. My dealing with depression is I loved writing from my childhood, writing is like I am talking to someone who would understand me and will never leave me and will listen to me unconditionally, no matter how stupid and nonsense I sound.

I don’t want to make anyone feel depressed or sad or fill up with any negative emotions. I just want to tell you if someone is dealing with depression, don’t ask them anything, just be there for them in any situation, listen to them no matter how stupid and nonsense they sound or might even find it boring. Don’t help them in dealing with it, they can deal with it, have been doing it with or without you. And I also want to tell to the people who are dealing with anxiety or any kind of mental illness, you should be proud of yourself, like me. We are so strong that we can deal with anything like that which cannot be seen but can only be felt. And we all know, feeling is the thing, most of us don’t wanna have. Because you can’t show it or make anyone understand. So, everyone dealing it or not, have patience and just go your loved ones and hug them tight and tell them how much you love them. Sometimes you got to show to tell things to someone. Till then, this is Jenna here. signing off.

A daughters letter to her papa

Dear Papa,
There are so many things that I would like to tell you but I always fail due to lack of words. I would like to thank you for everything. From teaching my sister and me, take our first walk to stand on our own in our difficult situations. Maybe most of the time you were busy and we didn’t get to share time with you but you were away just to see us smile and have a good life. You always stood before us and protect us from everything. Even though we don’t praise you for all the things you do for us but let me tell you, you will always be our superhero. We love, sometimes we fight also, sometimes we made each other cry but isn’t that how being family works?! To grow with each other into something better.
Thank you for believing in me even when I screw things up. And sorry for all the mistake I made during all these years. I hope to make you proud of me someday. You are the first man we have ever loved and we will love you forever. 
Happy fathers day. 
Your little one. 

Celebrating Ramadan Eid, 2018

Assalam waleikum
Ramadan Mubarak to all and everyone. Ramadan eid or Eid-ul-fitr comes with peace, right after one month of roja or fasting. During this one holy month of fasting, we get to learn a lot of things such as patience, inner peace, brings family together and strength our relationship with god. But if you are unable to fast due to some reason, then it is not mandatory to fast. During Ramadan, the muslims give zakat to the poor and the needy ones. Zakat is one of the five pillars of islam and is a compulsory giving of a set of one’s wealth as a charity to the needy ones.

In this festival, we also have a tradition of gifting among the family and loved ones. On the day of eid, we do our prayers and wear new clothes and take blessings from our elders. We not only clean and decorated our homes but also the masjid and the street with vibrant color of lights. On this day, we celebrate by getting together with our family and food is served and eaten along with yum deserts.This year we are celebrating eid on 16th june. 
Here are few of the pics from my home town

Hope you had an amazing eid! Khuda Hafiz!

Struggle of being an introvert

I am always the silent one, whether i am in a group of friends or family. They would say, “hey, say something” or “hey, why are you always so silent” and all i could do is go blank. It’s not i don’t like having conversations but maybe i don’t know how to have conversations. I get nervous easily, lack in confidence and what not. I have been trying to find out why I behave like this, like why I am clueless all the damn time. Well, i am clueless about that too. (lol!!) it was never okay to be shy kid and now that i am grown up, it gives me anxiety everytime i go out and meet people. Its not like i am not trying to be social, which i try every time i set my foot outside my house. Adulting as an introvert is really tough. You have to go out and talk for yourself, meet new people and introduce yourself. Life is tough, real tough! I always want to be alone but also want to get included(i hope that make sense). 

17 things I learnt in 2017

2017 was a year with so many lessons and things that I learned about myself and the world. Even though it was a tough year but yet we all made it through those hard times. Cheers to us! So, here’s a list of 17 things I’ve learned in 2017 and here’s how to 2018, filled with new possibilities, exciting things and adventures.

1. Love yourself just the way you are
2. Keep a planner, it’s good to organize things.
3. Time is money.
4. Learn to cook.
5. Sometimes you have to go with the flow.
6. Don’t be ashamed or afraid to ask questions.
7. Travel as much as you can.
8. It’s okay to cry
9. Eliminate negative people.
10. Don’t compare yourself with others.
11. Learn from failure, don’t give up.
12. Trust yourself and learn new things.
13. Don’t care what others think.
14. Learn to be grateful and Apologize, Don’t make excuses.
15. Meditate everyday.
16. It’s okay to be selfish.
17. It will be all okay in the end.